Licensed Contractor Human Hoodie
Licensed Contractor Human Hoodie
For the ones who don't just own a pet — they built a life around one.
Small, independent — not fast fashion Printed just for you. And when a design retires, it's gone for good.
Premium hoodie. Fit: Oversized, boxy — runs large. Want it trimmer? Size down one.
📦 On its way to you in 3-5 days. US delivery expect 6-10 business days and Canada 8-13 business days after production.
Couldn't load pickup availability
- Every design starts with a real joke between a real human and a real dog
- Made to order, not mass-produced
- Original artwork, designed in-house — you won't find it anywhere else
Licensed Contractor. Certified by nobody, trusted by everybody, on call 24/7 whether you like it or not.
You don't have a license. You have a toolbox that started with three things and now needs its own shelf, a mental list of everything in the house that's one bad day from breaking, and a household that treats "I'll take a look at it" as a binding legal contract.
Congratulations. You're the contractor now. This is your badge.
Built for the job, whatever the job turns out to be
The Licensed Contractor badge is printed direct-to-garment on the front, so it's part of the fabric rather than sitting on top of it. It softens as the hoodie softens instead of cracking off the first hard winter.
Hoodie Details
Hoodie Details
- Premium 8.5 oz midweight fleece — 80% cotton / 20% polyester
- Boxy oversized fit with drop shoulder design.
- Clean no-drawcord neckline, kangaroo pocket
- 1x1 ribbed cuffs and hem, pre-laundered, tear-away neck label
Shipping & Delivery
Shipping & Delivery
Made fresh in 3-5 business days. Expect delivery to US in 6-10 to Canada in 8-13 business days after production.
Business days exclude weekends and holidays. You'll receive a tracking number as soon as your hoodie ships.
🚚 Flat rate shipping — $6 US / $8 CA. Free on orders over $49.99.
Frequently Asked Questions
Frequently Asked Questions
What sizes are available?
We offer sizes XS–3XL in a relaxed, oversized fit. Check our Size & Fit Guide for exact measurements before you order.
What's the fabric like?
Soft, breathable cotton designed for everyday comfort.
Will this fit me?
Our hoodies are cut oversized and boxy — made for that relaxed, lived-in fit. Check our size guide before ordering to find your perfect match.
How long will it take to arrive?
Every hoodie is printed fresh when you order — no warehouse stock, no mystery inventory. Here's what to expect:
- US: delivery 6-10 business days
- Canada: delivery in 10-13 business days
Please allow 3–5 business days for your hoodie to be made. You'll get a tracking email the moment it ships.
How does it hold up to washing?
Machine wash cold, tumble dry low. The DTG print is built to last — no cracking, no peeling, no fading after a few washes.
🐾 30-Day Quality Guarantee — damaged or misprinted, we fix it.
Tell us within 30 days of delivery and we'll arrange a free reprint or store credit — whichever works best. Because every piece is made to order, we can't offer returns or exchanges for change of mind or self-selected sizing errors. Shipping charges are non-refundable.

- Choosing a selection results in a full page refresh.
- Opens in a new window.